The List

Happy almost-end-of-January. I did that thing again where I jotted down mini-topics on my Notes app on my iPhone for purposes of a blog post.

  • I have a Macbook Air. And since I’m on iCloud, whenever I send myself reminders on my iPhone, whenever I open up the laptop, there’s a pop-up there too, with the reminder I saved on my phone. Just now when I opened it up, it told me, “GET TP!!!” Thanks, laptop. We’re all good now though!
  • I haven’t logged in here for a few weeks. I checked my Stats page, 0 views today. Sometimes, I’ll have 1 or 2 views, even on days when I haven’t posted in a long time. You know whose those views those are? My daughter’s. She checks here. She says she likes it, but that I use the D-word too much. Then don’t read the damned blog, kid!
  • Just kidding. I love you. But I get to use the D-word because I’m a grown-up. You don’t.
  • I’m not really a grown-up. I’m old, but I’m not a grown-up. My one friend, Kerry, once sent me a New Yorker piece on how the grown-up has gone the way of the dodo. And I was just catching up with my PVR and saw Billy Connolly on Strombo who was saying the same thing. He says he doesn’t care about growing up, that it’s usually someone else’s suggestion. “You have to grow up!” George asked him how he responds to that. Billy: “Two words.” I often wait for that magical moment when I’m grown up. And often ponder things that way, like, “When I’m grown up,” this, or “When I’m grown up,” that. The possibilities are endless, and I’m really looking forward to it.
  • Sidebar: Not having hockey meant I watched other stuff on TV, and had the time to. Usually my PVR gets full of shows I’ll never watch on account of hockey. I love New Girl, Happy Endings, and Nashville. Like, love/love. Who knew there were shows on TV from October to April? I don’t watch reality TV though. But I do love talk shows. I love how the hosts always sit to the right of the screen, because if I were a guest on a talk show, they would get my right profile which is 2000% better than my left. If I hosted my own show, I’d have them switch the set around. These are things I think about sometimes.
  • My Facebook, which I don’t use much, has quotes from my kids in the About Me – Quotes part, or whatever it’s called. When my son was about six, on my birthday, he said, “So, Mom, you’re (confidential age) now, right?” And I said, “Yeah.” Then he said, “But you’re still a teenager though.” And I replied, “No, I’m a grown-up.” And he actually snorted, and said, “Yeah, right.” That’s under my Quotes. My About Me just says: “Kind of a pain.”
  • I just chose the categories for this blog post. Bold move, since I haven’t even really started it yet. One of the categories I have there is “Other Sports.” That’s ridiculous. What other sports are there? None that are written about here.
  • Wait, I blogged a couple of times about the World Cup when Chile was playing. So that’s why.
  • I switched the format around on this blog and lost all my widgets. Why do I ever try things.
  • I haven’t even started my topics list yet. I win for seriously being able to write about nothing. Okay, here we go.
  • The Habs played their first game of the “season” last Saturday. As you know, faithful readers…reader (dear Daughter), I was very much angry with the NHL and the players for putting us through 3 months of unnecessary pain by not playing hockey. I still tuned in but wasn’t excited. I still tuned in, but didn’t care. Actually, when they started training camp, the Habs announced that Scott Gomez, that black-eye of a bloated contract for a non-productive player, would not be back. He’d get paid his 5.5 million dollars to sit out the “season” and then get bought out.
  • Sidebar: This got me to thinking, I could totally devote a blog post to what I would do if I was offered FIVE POINT FIVE MILLION DOLLARS to NOT show up to work. It’s equivalent to winning the lottery. But that would be a short, boring post. I would probably still go to the office. What else am I going to do while the kids are at school? Besides, I love the people at my office.
  • So anyway, when Marc Bergevin announced that Gomez would not be back in a Habs jersey again, I thought, “Well played. You just got my interest again.” Look, by all accounts, Gomez is a swell guy, super well-loved by his teammates and everything like that. No one said he was a bad guy. And no one can blame the guy for signing a contract like that on the dotted line. And had he been a scorer, I might not have cared about all that money. Let’s face it: no one can actually claim they earn that kind of money. That’s ridiculous. I can’t even imagine what you actually could do to earn that money. Perhaps deserve it, which is slightly different.
  • Sidebar: I hate Oprah. And I hate Lance Armstrong. I have never been able to stand that guy. No real reason. People thought he was some kind of hero because he won bike races, and survived cancer and then raised a bunch of money for it. But I still couldn’t stand him. Actually, here’s why: All I really knew about him is he kept dumping the women in his life. And he would dump them and immediately be in a new, serious relationship. Which meant that he was already cheating with the new one while he was still with the old one. To have a double-life like that, you have to be an accomplished liar with little conscience. So I couldn’t stand him, even when everyone around me all loved him and wore his rubber bracelet. Then all this stuff about his colossal cheating came out, and I felt validated for always hating the guy.
  • I don’t like Oprah either. That ego astounds. And all the people who worship her, that’s crazy too. I never really thought about her one way or the other, and always watched her show, because she had great guests, and would just roll my eyes every time she’d be in what would be for her guest, a serious, intense conversation, but Oprah would always be checking herself out in the monitor. Whatever. But what got me was when once she was being interviewed for the 10th anniversary of her show, and the interviewer brought up how she was worth $6 billion dollars or whatever INSANE figure it was. And, I’m not joking, she replied, with a very straight face: “And I’ve earned every penny.” ARE YOU SERIOUS? Oh, she was as serious as a heart-attack. I never took her seriously again.
  • So, when everyone asked if I was going to watch the Lance/Oprah show, I was like, “Lance. And Oprah? Yeah no.” The only time I ever liked Oprah was when she interviewed Stephen Colbert. And even then I didn’t really like her, I just love Colbert. I know my feeling about Opes is super unpopular. Actually, she did do one really good thing for me: It’s fun to say stuff like she does. Like when she says, “Please welcome, my friend John TRAVOLTAAAAAA!” One of my besties and I did that on a road trip. Like, “We’re going to TARGEEEEEET!” or “Let’s go to STARBUUUUUUCKS!” This was in the morning. We are both morning people. Our other bestie was super irritated.
  • Hi, Lisa! I’m finding a way to mention you in every post.
  • 1173 words in and I’ve strayed from my list. So anyway, I tuned in to watch the game. But it was preceded by a big, big, BIG opening ceremony. Hall of Famers carrying the torch in the Bell Centre, like Henri Richard (I met him once, and his big brother, and they signed my jersey!!), Jean Béliveau and Yvan Cournoyer (and Vinnie Damphousse??? Um, okay.). It was an opening ceremony to end all opening ceremonies. Do the Habs ever know how to give opening ceremony. And all over Twitter, I saw tweets about how everyone was crying. And I was sitting there with my arms crossed, hmmphing. Like, wooooow, these guys were really trying hard, here. I was 100% unmoved. Had they done this when they were supposed to, in October, I would have been blubbering like a baby. But not this way, not in January, when the season is supposed to be half over. Not when, apparently, the idea was we were all supposed to act like the previous 3 months didn’t just happen. I was bitter, and I wasn’t buying it. Okay, I really loved how Carey was the last person with the torch, looking up and chewing gum. What a boss. I was excited to finally watch a game however, but didn’t even watch the whole thing because I had to leave. And they were losing to the Leafs. In a former life, during a normal season, losing, to the LEAFS, would have ruined my evening. I didn’t care, and had a really awesome evening.
  • But then at the next game my Andrei Markov scored twice, and then at the next one scored again, and Itotallylovethemagainandcan’twaittilthenextgame.
  • Michelle Obama got these great new bangs, right when I’ve finally grown mine out. I fail at trends.
  • Let’s get started on that list.
  • No, it’s too long, and I have to go pick up my daughter from a sleepover soon. I’ll keep adding to it and save it for next time.
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Post of the Month

If I don’t hurry up, a whole calendar month will have gone by with no post. And I read a blog post yesterday about having to keep up with your blog even if you have nothing to say or your readership will dwindle.

  • Hi, readers. This is for you. (Mom.)
  • It’s been the busiest time for me ever in recent memory with no time to focus on just one thing, so this is another one of those random posts. Anything. Nothing.
  • See what I did there.
  • 4th bullet. What to say.
  • I was catching up with my PVR tonight. We have the View. We have The Daily Show, and Colbert. May I just say: Romney has added a new adjective to my vernacular. I’m submitting it to Oxford: Dumbassier.
  • U.S. pals are usually bemused by why their politics entertain/interest us as much as they do. Hello, we get all the U.S. channels. Do you get CBC/CTV in the States? It’s a genuine question. My guess is no. I don’t know how much of those stations we even watch up here. (Strombo: I watch all your shows.) But for real, the U.S. presidency affects us all, particularly adjacent folks as we. I’m pretty sure this was grammatically correct as WordPress didn’t dot-dot-dot underline it for me. Anyway I hope Obama gets re-elected, mostly because I just like him. My mom thinks he won’t. Because he’s just too sensible. Face it, the jaded all talk about how politicians are all liars, right to centre to left, and say what they need to to get elected. But Obama has always talked about how tough the road ahead is. And he lays out all the stuff  that needs doing to get there. And explains the pros and cons. And it’s kind of boring. And it’s actually acutely similar to how I parent. I never make a promise to the kids that isn’t 100% guaranteed to occur. Not the most entertaining or exciting thing in the world, but deeply seeded in reality and hopefully will prepare folks for surprises/not to be surprised. All I can say is: Bush Jr. got re-elected (although there is legitimate debate about whether he was even elected fair and square in the first place). BUSH. Got RE-ELECTED. You give that guy 4 more years, you had better damned well give Obama another term.
  • Speaking of The View, that one guy from 2 1/2 Men is on right now. Or he was whatever day. I PVR the show. Anyway I don’t watch 2 1/2 Men and never have. And I hate that show because whenever I see this actor I no longer think of him as Duckie. Who I LOVED. Which I HATE. I mean, that’s just one reason. I think I’ve outgrown the 22-minute sitcom.
  • Except for Modern Family.
  • Speaking of TV, I don’t watch it much, except for what I record. So those shows are as mentioned above, as well as Jeopardy, SNL, and my kids’ favourite, The Middle. And hockey.
  • We’re not talking about hockey this time. There is much and nothing to talk about and for once I will say nothing.
  • I was driving to work today and stuck in the non-HOV lane which is pretty much a parking lot. I gazed out over the huge lineup of vehicles in front of me. WHERE ARE ALL THE RED CARS. I’m the only one. Everyone’s grey, grey, silver, dark grey, grey, light grey, black, black, white, and some blues. I’m the only red one. At least I can spot my damned car in the parking lot.
  • Oh yeah about U.S. politics again for a second, Clint Eastwood made me laugh/cringe/sad. Good lord, who did the RNC’s casting. And where the hell was that poor old man’s agent. Find him, and fire him.
  • The dog. As if you thought we’d get through a post without the dog. You know how you are usually dumbstruck by unexpected or hurtful or offensive comments from people and then come up with a really good rebuttal/comeback like a day later? No? Whatever.
  • Last night this one neighbour who’s sort of an eccentric but usually super nice to me and is always wandering around outside browsing on his iPad with his cat started kind of going off on me because I had the dog off the leash. He’s seen us out there 8 million times. I get home from work, and before I even change out of my office clothes, I grab the ball and let the dog out and we play fetch on the patch of grass right in front of our house for 30 minutes, until she starts lurching around like a drunk because she’s so exhausted (but would keep going until she passed out, if allowed) – at which point I cut her off, and go to the dumpster to throw away her business. Every day, Monday to Friday. The neighbours all know it, and see it. So this one guy last night out of nowhere made a big show on our walk to the dumpster about how she was off-leash. His crazy orange cat was outside lolling around, and my crazy puppy didn’t even give the damned cat a glance, because she was too busy trying to walk a straight line like she was at a checkpoint. He told me, “He (she’s a girl, goddammit) should be on a leash.” Me: “Okay, thanks!” (walking away) Him: “He should be on a leash at all times outside” Me “Thanks!” (walk walk walk….open door, get inside house). Five minutes later, he was ringing my damned doorbell. “Hi, so the dog should be on a leash at all times in the common area. It’s in the bylaws.” Me: “Thank you so much, and you’ve expressed yourself 3 times now, I have heard you, have a nice evening.” Whatever, confrontation is not one of my strengths. Still, by now, I’m starting to stew. And then I thought, Wait: Bylaws? Let’s have a look at the %$#@*& bylaws. Scan, scan, scan, HERE IT IS….PETS should be leashed at all times. PETS. Not dog-specific. That effing cat is always wandering around, and outdoor cats are always crapping wherever they feel like and their owners do NOT do a thing about it. Gaaaaah. If I’d ever bothered to read anything the Strata ever sent before now I would have had the perfect comeback for him.
  • You guys, do NOT tell my Strata I ignore everything they send. I am terrified of them.
  • So guess WHAT. I came home today, grabbed the puppy, put her on a leash and took her up the hill for a run. It takes about 40 minutes out of my already brief evening just to get her far away but I was not interested in raising this Dippy Neighbour’s ire again (it’s a different neighbour than Grumpy Bastard, previously mentioned in another post, btw). And once she got tired, I made my way back. And if I’d scripted it, it couldn’t have been better: Dippy Dipster was out wandering around in circles (this is not unusual, it’s what he does) and I didn’t see his cat. Then I saw him kind of panic and head down to the greenbelt. He was looking for the frigging cat, I was sure. I quietly followed him down there, with him completely unaware. I saw him go running behind a fenced area, then come running back out to go back to his house, and I just know he had lost the cat. When he came dashing back out he raised his head and said “Oh, hi, Veronica”. Me: “Oh hi! Just wanted you to know I so appreciated you calling my attention to the bylaws. And I did look at them. And they say PETS have to be on a leash at all times. PETS. Not just dogs. PETS.” Him: “Oh, really?” Me: “Yes, in fact. That means cats too. And wasn’t yours on another neighbour’s deck just the other day?” Him: “Oh, well, I’m not concerned about my cat. I’m concerned about your dog.” Me: “Yes, I’m sure you are. Thank you for your concern. The cat has to be on a leash. It’s in the bylaws. Have a nice evening!”
  • I felt triumphant at his blank look with no response as I turned and walked away, for about 3 seconds. And then I felt bad. But at least I got the chance to give him the perfect comeback (about 28 hours late) that I’d imagined – how often does that happen? To me, never. And at least he didn’t come ringing my doorbell later. How long do you figure until I can take the dog out with no leash again? Not one single other neighbour, including Grumpy Bastard, has ever registered a complaint about my dog.
  • Remember the pedometer challenge that my team and I were in? We won. And we didn’t win iPads. We got APPLE STORE GIFT CARDS. Mama’s getting an iPhone 5! I hate my 4S now. Stupid paperweight. So who wants to buy it?
  • Oh yes: I always want to say: All the guys at Fox News are always bragging about how they get the highest ratings. This has always seemed crazy to me. Of course they do. All the right wingers are watching them. All of them. Everybody else is spread out amongst the other 5 or so stations. It’s not rocket science. Am I the only one seeing this?
  • And why do we care so much about Kate Middleton’s boobs? I can’t believe the press they’re getting.
  • I have to renew my passport soon. The thing I hate about that the most is not being allowed to smile in the picture. It’s the worst. The camera’s right there, but you can’t even sort of raise your eyebrows let alone let your mouth turn up. When I see the picture it’s like it’s somebody else. Now I know why when I have my serious face on, people go, “What’s wrong?”
  • You know what’s hilariously funny? I mean, probably just to me. The ID I have to present to renew my passport is my proof of Canadian citizenship, which, since I wasn’t born in this country, is my Canadian citizenship card that was given to me when I was SEVEN. The photo of me was taken when I was SEVEN.
  • TWENTY ONE YEARS AGO.
  • Shut up.
  • It’s past midnight. This is very late for me on a weeknight so this is it until…October. Let’s be real.
  • By that time I may be emotionally ready to talk about (the lack of) hockey.
  • (I’m sorry for saying shut up.)

Bonne nuit!

The Year in Review

I was going to do a kind of “year in review” post to end 2011, kind of like the annual letter I sent for Christmas to friends and family – and then realized I don’t have to, because I’d basically just be repeating everything I blogged about this year.

So instead, here’s our annual family photo, and the puppy, who refused to sit for a group shot, and links to some of my stories of 2011, if you’re interested.

With my wish for you and yours: May 2012 kick 2011’s ASS.

Happy New Year!

  1. That time I went to the Habs game in Vancity (and we WON)
  2. Charlie Sheen is cuckoo, we watched American Idol (and vowed to never again after that country-singing carrot-topped kid won), and other general happenings
  3. That time I blogged about Max Pacioretty – incidentally the most-read post on the blog EVER (that also resulted in Max following me on Twitter; I apologize for all the stupid tweets, Max) (and can you believe he’s still following)
  4. A follow-up on Pacioretty, shopping at Costco, and not really an update
  5. How the Habs make me crazy, and I love them anyway. Sure to be a recurring topic.
  6. That time I met Strombo (STROMBO, YO), got flowers on my birthday, and told the world that my daughter used to shoplift.
  7. That time the Habs got kicked out of the playoffs by the Bruins. If THIS becomes a recurring theme, just shoot me now.
  8. That time I was pissed off about North American politics.
  9. That time I thought I was really seriously sick and it turned out I was only a little sick. That was a good day.
  10. That time my son and I hung out, just the two of us
  11. That time the sickening notion of the Bruins winning the cup was close to becoming a reality
  12. Saying goodbye to my Dad.
  13. Selling the condo.
  14. Coffee is serious!
  15. How’s it going?
  16. Back to school and finally selling the condo and buying the townhouse.
  17. People who aren’t punctual piss me off.
  18. The weekend from hell. Or, that time we moved. Also, broken arms and puppy training.
  19. General update on nothing in particular
  20. Thoughts on the coaching/language controversy in Montreal

Which brings us to today. Also adding a picture of just the kids, because I really love it.

P.S. the Habs are on a one game winning streak!! YEEEEAHHHH BABY!

April Flowers

Lots of little things, none enough for its own post, so here we go with another edition of the Quick & Dirty update:

  • Didn’t the Habs win Game 1? Against Boston? IN Boston? And didn’t Jesus Price get the shutout? His 3rd career playoff shutout? Haven’t all his career playoff shutouts been against Boston? Hell yeah!!!!
  • Going in to yesterday’s game, I was kinda baffled that everyone had written us out before the playoffs had even begun. Like, weren’t we facing a 3rd place team that finished a measly 7 points ahead of us in the regular season, whom we beat 66.67% of the time in the regular season? What’s the BFD? I knew we’d win yesterday. Knew it.
  • I had a birthday this week. One person tried to ruin it, but way many more people made it the best birthday I can remember.
  • People who have so much hate and anger in their hearts are to be pitied. Other than pity, they’re not worth a moment’s thought.
  • I got these flowers that are so amazingly gorgeous and fragrant that I don’t want them to die, ever. 
  • Know who I met last Saturday? Strombo. Strombo. I’m not going to try to spell his real name. He is as awesome in person as he is on his show. And why wouldn’t he be. Also, really easy on the eyes. Don’t tell my fella I said that. You know what? It doesn’t matter. He has eyes too.
  •  We’re thinking of getting a dog. Not something we’ll do in the near term, but the reigning topic at home is dogs, puppies, training and Cesar Milan. The kids want something that ends in oodle. Did you know there are Schnoodles and Whoodles? I’m going to have a coma for all the cute.
  • Going to the Canucks game tonight with one of my favourite people on earth, who coincidentally is a Canucks fan. He likes the Habs too so he’s still perfect. I might be wearing a Canucks jersey on loan. There will be no pictures. Don’t revoke my membership to Habs Fanatic Nation.
  • It is so cold in Vancouver. For Vancouver, I mean. And I’m not pleased. I want to start wearing my cute Spring stuff. Cut it out, Mother Nature.
  • Every time I think I have so much freaking work to do, I just start it and it’s surprising how fast it gets done. The mind plays funny tricks.
  • I’m annoyed that any vote that isn’t Liberal will go to Harper. And I hate that 100% of Canadians eligible to vote do not vote. What’s wrong with people? VOTE.
  • I wore this knitted scarf today (because it’s COLD) that my daughter shoplifted from Zellers when she was a baby. I pushed her around in the stroller with the cover on, got her back to the car and lo and behold she was swinging this scarf around. I’d just buckled her 2-year old brother in to his carseat and had 8 zillion things to unload. I wasn’t about to go back into the store. I still have guilt. But she made a nice choice, good taste, my girl.
  • I love Revenue Canada when I overpay my taxes and it’s tax return time.
  • I overpay my taxes, vote and am an all-round model citizen. If Zellers sees that other bullet point, keep that in mind, okay.

That’s it for this time! Go Habs Go! We’ll take them in 6! Have a good weekend, world.

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