Post of the Month

If I don’t hurry up, a whole calendar month will have gone by with no post. And I read a blog post yesterday about having to keep up with your blog even if you have nothing to say or your readership will dwindle.

  • Hi, readers. This is for you. (Mom.)
  • It’s been the busiest time for me ever in recent memory with no time to focus on just one thing, so this is another one of those random posts. Anything. Nothing.
  • See what I did there.
  • 4th bullet. What to say.
  • I was catching up with my PVR tonight. We have the View. We have The Daily Show, and Colbert. May I just say: Romney has added a new adjective to my vernacular. I’m submitting it to Oxford: Dumbassier.
  • U.S. pals are usually bemused by why their politics entertain/interest us as much as they do. Hello, we get all the U.S. channels. Do you get CBC/CTV in the States? It’s a genuine question. My guess is no. I don’t know how much of those stations we even watch up here. (Strombo: I watch all your shows.) But for real, the U.S. presidency affects us all, particularly adjacent folks as we. I’m pretty sure this was grammatically correct as WordPress didn’t dot-dot-dot underline it for me. Anyway I hope Obama gets re-elected, mostly because I just like him. My mom thinks he won’t. Because he’s just too sensible. Face it, the jaded all talk about how politicians are all liars, right to centre to left, and say what they need to to get elected. But Obama has always talked about how tough the road ahead is. And he lays out all the stuff  that needs doing to get there. And explains the pros and cons. And it’s kind of boring. And it’s actually acutely similar to how I parent. I never make a promise to the kids that isn’t 100% guaranteed to occur. Not the most entertaining or exciting thing in the world, but deeply seeded in reality and hopefully will prepare folks for surprises/not to be surprised. All I can say is: Bush Jr. got re-elected (although there is legitimate debate about whether he was even elected fair and square in the first place). BUSH. Got RE-ELECTED. You give that guy 4 more years, you had better damned well give Obama another term.
  • Speaking of The View, that one guy from 2 1/2 Men is on right now. Or he was whatever day. I PVR the show. Anyway I don’t watch 2 1/2 Men and never have. And I hate that show because whenever I see this actor I no longer think of him as Duckie. Who I LOVED. Which I HATE. I mean, that’s just one reason. I think I’ve outgrown the 22-minute sitcom.
  • Except for Modern Family.
  • Speaking of TV, I don’t watch it much, except for what I record. So those shows are as mentioned above, as well as Jeopardy, SNL, and my kids’ favourite, The Middle. And hockey.
  • We’re not talking about hockey this time. There is much and nothing to talk about and for once I will say nothing.
  • I was driving to work today and stuck in the non-HOV lane which is pretty much a parking lot. I gazed out over the huge lineup of vehicles in front of me. WHERE ARE ALL THE RED CARS. I’m the only one. Everyone’s grey, grey, silver, dark grey, grey, light grey, black, black, white, and some blues. I’m the only red one. At least I can spot my damned car in the parking lot.
  • Oh yeah about U.S. politics again for a second, Clint Eastwood made me laugh/cringe/sad. Good lord, who did the RNC’s casting. And where the hell was that poor old man’s agent. Find him, and fire him.
  • The dog. As if you thought we’d get through a post without the dog. You know how you are usually dumbstruck by unexpected or hurtful or offensive comments from people and then come up with a really good rebuttal/comeback like a day later? No? Whatever.
  • Last night this one neighbour who’s sort of an eccentric but usually super nice to me and is always wandering around outside browsing on his iPad with his cat started kind of going off on me because I had the dog off the leash. He’s seen us out there 8 million times. I get home from work, and before I even change out of my office clothes, I grab the ball and let the dog out and we play fetch on the patch of grass right in front of our house for 30 minutes, until she starts lurching around like a drunk because she’s so exhausted (but would keep going until she passed out, if allowed) – at which point I cut her off, and go to the dumpster to throw away her business. Every day, Monday to Friday. The neighbours all know it, and see it. So this one guy last night out of nowhere made a big show on our walk to the dumpster about how she was off-leash. His crazy orange cat was outside lolling around, and my crazy puppy didn’t even give the damned cat a glance, because she was too busy trying to walk a straight line like she was at a checkpoint. He told me, “He (she’s a girl, goddammit) should be on a leash.” Me: “Okay, thanks!” (walking away) Him: “He should be on a leash at all times outside” Me “Thanks!” (walk walk walk….open door, get inside house). Five minutes later, he was ringing my damned doorbell. “Hi, so the dog should be on a leash at all times in the common area. It’s in the bylaws.” Me: “Thank you so much, and you’ve expressed yourself 3 times now, I have heard you, have a nice evening.” Whatever, confrontation is not one of my strengths. Still, by now, I’m starting to stew. And then I thought, Wait: Bylaws? Let’s have a look at the %$#@*& bylaws. Scan, scan, scan, HERE IT IS….PETS should be leashed at all times. PETS. Not dog-specific. That effing cat is always wandering around, and outdoor cats are always crapping wherever they feel like and their owners do NOT do a thing about it. Gaaaaah. If I’d ever bothered to read anything the Strata ever sent before now I would have had the perfect comeback for him.
  • You guys, do NOT tell my Strata I ignore everything they send. I am terrified of them.
  • So guess WHAT. I came home today, grabbed the puppy, put her on a leash and took her up the hill for a run. It takes about 40 minutes out of my already brief evening just to get her far away but I was not interested in raising this Dippy Neighbour’s ire again (it’s a different neighbour than Grumpy Bastard, previously mentioned in another post, btw). And once she got tired, I made my way back. And if I’d scripted it, it couldn’t have been better: Dippy Dipster was out wandering around in circles (this is not unusual, it’s what he does) and I didn’t see his cat. Then I saw him kind of panic and head down to the greenbelt. He was looking for the frigging cat, I was sure. I quietly followed him down there, with him completely unaware. I saw him go running behind a fenced area, then come running back out to go back to his house, and I just know he had lost the cat. When he came dashing back out he raised his head and said “Oh, hi, Veronica”. Me: “Oh hi! Just wanted you to know I so appreciated you calling my attention to the bylaws. And I did look at them. And they say PETS have to be on a leash at all times. PETS. Not just dogs. PETS.” Him: “Oh, really?” Me: “Yes, in fact. That means cats too. And wasn’t yours on another neighbour’s deck just the other day?” Him: “Oh, well, I’m not concerned about my cat. I’m concerned about your dog.” Me: “Yes, I’m sure you are. Thank you for your concern. The cat has to be on a leash. It’s in the bylaws. Have a nice evening!”
  • I felt triumphant at his blank look with no response as I turned and walked away, for about 3 seconds. And then I felt bad. But at least I got the chance to give him the perfect comeback (about 28 hours late) that I’d imagined – how often does that happen? To me, never. And at least he didn’t come ringing my doorbell later. How long do you figure until I can take the dog out with no leash again? Not one single other neighbour, including Grumpy Bastard, has ever registered a complaint about my dog.
  • Remember the pedometer challenge that my team and I were in? We won. And we didn’t win iPads. We got APPLE STORE GIFT CARDS. Mama’s getting an iPhone 5! I hate my 4S now. Stupid paperweight. So who wants to buy it?
  • Oh yes: I always want to say: All the guys at Fox News are always bragging about how they get the highest ratings. This has always seemed crazy to me. Of course they do. All the right wingers are watching them. All of them. Everybody else is spread out amongst the other 5 or so stations. It’s not rocket science. Am I the only one seeing this?
  • And why do we care so much about Kate Middleton’s boobs? I can’t believe the press they’re getting.
  • I have to renew my passport soon. The thing I hate about that the most is not being allowed to smile in the picture. It’s the worst. The camera’s right there, but you can’t even sort of raise your eyebrows let alone let your mouth turn up. When I see the picture it’s like it’s somebody else. Now I know why when I have my serious face on, people go, “What’s wrong?”
  • You know what’s hilariously funny? I mean, probably just to me. The ID I have to present to renew my passport is my proof of Canadian citizenship, which, since I wasn’t born in this country, is my Canadian citizenship card that was given to me when I was SEVEN. The photo of me was taken when I was SEVEN.
  • TWENTY ONE YEARS AGO.
  • Shut up.
  • It’s past midnight. This is very late for me on a weeknight so this is it until…October. Let’s be real.
  • By that time I may be emotionally ready to talk about (the lack of) hockey.
  • (I’m sorry for saying shut up.)

Bonne nuit!

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This One’s Not Very Interesting

Sunday morning (and I sing “ON SUNDAY MORNING” to myself – No Doubt) and the kids sleep and I contemplate sneaking away to Costco for essentials that will last us about 14 months, while they sleep. Costco is pretty much a place they’d rather stick needles in their eyes than go with me to. Which I don’t understand. I LOVE COSTCO. Plus, I usually end up seeing something I never knew I couldn’t live without and walk out with. $300 later, I mean.

Anyhoo, here’s the latest:

  • I had a Nespresso yesterday and now I feel like I need a Nespresso maker. How much are they? And do they sell them at Costco?
  • The dog’s been run already. She lost her ball in someone’s backyard again. Same neighbour, every time. There’s about one day a week that I come home to a nice little collection of balls on my welcome mat. He’s a nice neighbour. What a pain we are.

  • She also loses it in this big bunch of bushes, because she usually catches it in mid-air, but sometimes in her attempt the ball actually bounces off her teeth and ricohchets into the atmosphere and lands in these bushes. She dives in, all you see is her tail wagging and the bushes trembling like a T-Rex is about to emerge.
  • We finally have our new floors, as you know. We got a nice neutral rug for the new floor, the colour of which was chosen exclusively to provide camouflage for the fur the puppy sheds at an alarming rate. I used to have a Shepherd and she would shed all year long, and it was sticky hair. Even years after she passed away I would find it, and I was never able to remove it from the upholstery in the back of my Cherokee. I sold it and that became the new owner’s problem. The jeep I mean. So yeah, when I decided it was time for a dog again because the kids were big enough, I thought, Shepherds are my favourite breed but there is NO WAY I am dealing with that fur again.
  • Labs shed a lot, okay. And these new floors are a perfect contrast for the wall-to-wall yellow fur. Sigh.
  • I brushed her on the deck the other day. The fur that fell out of her coat filled the sky. THE SKY. The fur off her hindquarters alone, once gathered up, could have made up a whole new dog. Ridiculous. I hope this is just a summertime thing.
  • This was not supposed to be another post about the dog, but she’s the only one keeping me company right this minute so I can’t think of anything else but I’ll try.
  • Oh yeah, the other day I was painting the living room, so I fired up a Genius selection on my Apple TV to play music while I painted. Levon by Elton John came up. My daughter said, “Mom, I thought you hated country music!” Oh my good god.
  • She only thinks I hate country music because I’m still pissed off about that red-headed kid who made every song sound like Jim Neighbors won American Idol a couple of years ago. I don’t hate all country music, just the songs that are so depressing and ridiculous. Actually I don’t hate those either really because they’re so sappy and sad, they’re funny.
  • I like The Dixie Chicks. And Johnny Cash. And Willie Nelson. And Patsy Cline. Is that all country music? I know from The Blues Brothers that there are actually two kinds, country and western!
  • I love my Apple TV. It plays the songs on my iTunes that are one my Mac in the basement! Right through my surround sound speakers on my TV upstairs in the living room. That’s really the only reason that we got it. I’d heard of Apple TV before but I thought it was just for movies and TV shows, which we already get enough of, and never really watch anyway, on the PVR. This one guy at work told me about the music feature one time, and I was so excited! He said, “I can’t believe I’m teaching you about an Apple product.” I love Apple, and one day I will have one of everything.
  • I’m participating in this pedometer challenge. It’s actually a global challenge, and companies put together teams to participate. Our team has seven people, essentially the same team that we had last year, but this year we recruited carefully after losing some of last year’s members, to add 3 people who are as obsessed with winning as we are. We’re now leading the entire company worldwide, AND we’re in first place of all the teams registered, from all the companies, in Canada. In CANADA. Last year, our team won first place in our company in Vancouver, second place in the global company overall. Our team won a $250 gift certificate to a restaurant. For the whole team. We figured it out, and each of us would get to spend $35.71 for a meal, including tip. That was for 2 months of walking even in our sleep to try to win. It took us 4 months to find a date the 7 of us were available to go redeem the certificate together. WTF. The global winning team got iPads. They EACH got iPads. So this year, we’re serious. If I’m upright, I’m walking. Even in place. I’m not joking.
  • Speaking of the PVR, there is one show that I watch every episode of, and that’s Jeopardy. I march around my living room while listening to the clues, getting steps on my pedometer, shaking my finger and exclaiming, “Who is Bob Hope! What are Capital Gains! What is Easter Island!” Whatever man, I’m winning that iPad. Jeopardy gets me some good steps.
  • Because I need more free iPads. I’ve never paid for one. I got the first one as a gift for my birthday, and I got the iPad2 in a draw at my company’s Christmas dinner. My daughter dropped that one once, and it works fine but it has a little scratch on the case and now I obviously need another one. The new one.
  • My son thinks that if I go on Jeopardy I can win us some big cash. But I really suck at U.S. categories. Except for the stuff I learn from the Daily Show.
  • We’ve had beautiful summer weather for about 3 weeks now. A couple of those weeks were scorchers, which of course were exactly the weeks I was ripping out the carpet, having the floors installed, and painting. It was so hot and I was sweating so badly, that the plywood under our new beautiful flooring is covered in my 5 pound sweat drops, that would run off my forehead and bounce off the plywood. Like that visual? Anyway even after months of rain and cold and a Spring that we totally skipped over, I found myself wishing I knew a good rain dance. I have one Australian friend who lives here and bemoans our horrid weather who would throw me in jail and throw away the key for even uttering the previous sentence.
  • You guys, I just remembered it’s my brother’s birthday today, so I’m gonna call him. And one of my kids is up too now, so I have to break the Costco trip news to him. Hasta la próxima!

Nothing

About a month since I last posted. You’re welcome.

Latest musings coming right up:

  • I took a break from listening to TSN990 in my car in the mornings, mostly because it eats up my data on the iPhone. I missed Carey’s re-signing on July 1 on account of it – goddammit. But it was awesome news all the same. Oh Carey, how I love thee.
  • So because I really can’t stand all the ads on the FM radio stations I can stomach, and listening to the pop stations makes me insane, I just flip on “News 1130” which is basically where I get all my news since I took a break from Twitter since hockey’s over, the draft is over, and the coaching staff is pretty much in place in Montreal (you guys – Big Bird was obviously up for grabs and YOU DIDN’T GET HIM – it makes me want to punch stuff). Stupid me.
  • Here’s what I missed: 1) Anderson Cooper (love) came out. Finally! 2) Katie left Tom. Finally! That poor girl had dead eyes for long enough. I never watched that show she used to be on, and I don’t know if she can really act, but I’m rooting for her. Even though I kind of hated Tom Cruise less after Tropic Thunder, I really still hate him. I don’t know him or anything. 3) Jessica Simpson had a baby! I think that was a long time ago, though. 4) There’s something else, and I forget what, but it’s a biggie.
  • News 1130 leaves out A LOT. Back to getting my news from Twitter.
  • The new place (which we’ve lived in for 8 months) is finally shaping up. When we got this place, the walls were all espresso-brown, nice colour (I love coffee) but this place was already dark enough, so I got one of my besties to come over and consult on paint colours. He picked the colour for our last place and did a fabulous job, because he is FABULOUS. So I figured I didn’t know what I liked until he told me what I liked, and trusted him implicitly. He picked a nice soft colour which was a little greenish that would brighten up the place, and I hired painters to the tune of 3 grand to paint the ENTIRE house in this beautiful colour picked by one of the people I love the most.
  • The first time my bf came over after moving in, he said, “Green! Do you like it?” I hated it. HATED it. And had spent so much money. I told him, “No, I HATE IT!!” And he said, “Good! It makes me feel like I’m hung over!”
  • We couldn’t afford to do anything about the paint colour, so we lived with it for 8 months. The colour’s the worst in the stairways (we have a split level, so that’s FOUR stairways) because they don’t get any natural light. EVERY time I saw it, I thought, “Hung. Over.”
  • As mentioned in previous posts, the new puppy (she’s almost a year!) wreaked havoc on the carpets and although the thought was overwhelming, I decided that by the time she was trained I’d get floors. So we got floors. And I decided to paint. Myself.
  • I picked colours (using my bf, because obviously he knows to stay away from morning-after colours) and went to the paint store one Saturday, daughter in tow. The paint sat there for a couple of weeks because I couldn’t find the time or oomph to start the task, so I went back to the store a couple of weeks later to get some stir sticks for the paint, bringing daughter along again. They handed them to me and we left. Daughter: “They just GAVE you those sticks! You didn’t even have to pay for them! It must be because you’re so charming.” Verbatim. What. I’m not taking that cheerful notion away from my only daughter.
  • I painted my living room over the Hangover Green. With “November Skies”. Supposed to be blue, sorta greyish blue. Sorta like steel. Blue Steel! I liked it too, because both my kids are November babies.
  • The first coat looked purple, and I panicked silently. It’s blue now though.
  • I took the puppy out today to run her tired, just throwing the ball on the green patch in front of the house a zillion or so times. Neighbours were all out, back and forthing, getting piles of soil from this huge pile of soil that had been dumped on our street. All beautifying their front gardens. Wasn’t sure what that was all about, so I asked. My one neighbour said, “Didn’t you get the notice? It’s our street’s turn this week. Project Landscaping.”
  • Notice? I never read those stupid things. I hardly even check my mail ever. I used to think at our old place that I never got the mail because the stupid mailbox wasn’t in the building and was way down the street with everyone else’s. Highly inconvenient. But it turns out I just never check mail. My bills are emailed, and I don’t care about stupid coupons for carpet cleaning, I mean, especially now. The only person who checks the mail is my daughter, who apparently thinks her National Geographic Kids gets delivered daily.
  • (I did see the notice. Saw it, scanned it, thanked god the previous owners chose to have rocks in our garden instead of plants, and deposited it in File 13. Don’t tell.)
  • Besides, “Project Landscaping”? Please. My green thumb is…what’s the opposite of green? I’m useless. I have a plant that’s impossible to kill on my bookshelf, and that’s it.
  • That’s actually not it. I have a little rosebush the bf got for my birthday 3 months ago, and it’s not only still alive, but it’s getting new buds. Ha HA. Still, nothing else survives here. But that plant. And people.
  • The kitchen’s half-painted, and is sitting there waiting for me. All that’s left is the hard parts, the teeny-tiny wall spaces by the cabinets. It’s sitting there waiting for me as I type. I think there’s something wrong with me, that I get midway through a project then leave it for something else. What’s that called?
  • It’s weird with Twitter, because I left that too for a while, haven’t had the chance to even glance at it lately. I mean, I suppose I could do that right now. But I’m scared I’m not going to know what anyone’s talking about because I’ve been away. What’s that called?
  • Okay fine. I’ll go finish the kitchen. I may post some self-indulgent pics in the future when it’s done, I mean when everything’s done, because the last touch is the baseboards. I painted those yesterday, and although I’m way stronger than I look, even though I bought that handy little mitre box thing, I can only saw down to the bottom half of the baseboard because that’s when it gets thicker. Lame.

Bye guys. Sorry for the nothing post.

Bonito

So I turned on my Tunein Radio app the moment I woke up last Thursday, as I do, to listen to TSN990 in Montreal. It’s the sports radio station that manages to talk about the Habs even weeks after the season’s end, and you never know what you’re gonna miss. So I listen every day unless the subjects are dull, like soccer, or baseball, or basketball.

I was about to turn it off because they warned me they were about to talk Euro Cup (yawn!!) and then Sean R. Campbell played the opening bars of a Spanish song, in keeping with the European theme.

I heard about 30 seconds of it, and knew I liked it. Catchy!!  I hatehatehate when there’s good music out there that I’ve never heard of. I sent Sean a tweet, asked for the song info, he tweeted me back, I went to download the music, and voila. I have my new favourite CD. Which was released in 2003, by the way. I know that if I still lived in Chile, I would have heard this way before now. I have no doubt this must have been popular there.

Bonito – Jarabe de Palo

Anyway, give it a listen. Dare you not to dance. Dare. You. I’m not sure what the clown is about or the guy in the straitjacket either, but it’s not so much about watching the video as listening to music that will make your ears smile. And will definitely make your butt move. I’m not joking.

I heard it a few more times, and the words are actually awesome. I translated them, because I looked up some lyric translations and they weren’t the best, not that I’m bragging about my translating, but there were definitely bad ones, so I did it myself.

I feel like that about stuff. I was talking to my half-orange about that recently actually, how I made a conscious decision a number of years ago to just cut out the negative, focus on the positive and see what’s good about life. We all have our sh*t, god knows, but there are things you don’t have control over so there’s no use whining about them. But we have a certain amount of control over what we let affect us – and I have a particular talent for not focussing on the bad. It’s a terrific defence mechanism. I don’t recommend it because at some point you can’t keep ignoring the bad and it’s probably unhealthy but it works for me. Some call it denial, I call it “the negative stuff can kiss my you-know-what.” Actually I almost always call it denial. But laughing is better than crying so I always try to do the former. It’s not hard, actually. Everything can be funny. Maybe Jarabe de Palo should write a song called Funny.

There is serious stuff that requires seriousness for sure. Not making light. But there is also small, stupid stuff that requires absolutely none of your valuable time. And like I always tell my kids, complaining doesn’t improve anything. Deal. Smile. That’s right, I’m a total hardass.

Anyway, here is my translation of the Bonito lyrics. “Bonito” can be beautiful, or lovely, or nice. I chose beautiful. Although I endorse this translation, it sounds way better in Spanish.

Beautiful.  Everything seems beautiful to me.

Beautiful morning, beautiful place,

Beautiful bed, the sea looks great.

Beautiful day, and it’s only begun,

Beautiful life, breathe, breathe, breathe!

The phone rings, my buddy’s complaining

Things aren’t going great, life weighs him down

He doesn’t want to live like that, going on that way is not worth it

Love was lost and the party’s over

The earth’s engine isn’t running

Life is a joke with a sad ending, the future doesn’t exist

But I tell him…

Beautiful. Everything seems beautiful to me.

Beautiful peace, beautiful life, beautiful to be reborn every day,

Beautiful truth when it doesn’t sound like a lie

Beautiful friendship, beautiful laugh

Beautiful people when there is warmth

Beautiful people with no regrets,

Who win and lose, who speak without lying

Beautiful people and that’s why I say…

Beautiful. Everything seems beautiful to me.

How beautifully things go for you when they are beautiful for you,

How beautifully things go for you.

Beautiful. Everything seems beautiful to me.

The sea, the house, the shade, the earth, peace,

And life that happens

Beautiful.  Everything seems beautiful to me.

The sea, the morning, the house, the samba, the earth, patriotism and life that happens,

Your bed, your salsa, the spot on your back,

Your face, your enthusiasm, the weekend,

Beautiful the people who come and go,

Beautiful the people who don’t hold back,

Beautiful the people who have no age,

Who listen, who understand, who don’t have and who give.

Beautiful Portet, beautiful Peret, beautiful rumba, beautiful José,

Beautiful breeze that has no hurry, this beautiful day,

Breathe, breathe!

Beautiful people who are for real, beautiful people who are different,

Who tremble, who feel and live in the present

Beautiful people who were here and who aren’t.

Beautiful. Everything seems beautiful to me.

How beautifully things go for you when they are beautiful for you,

How beautifully things go for you.

How beautiful it is when it is beautiful, how beautiful it is.

Beautiful. Everything seems beautiful to me.

Also – the WHOLE CD is good. Bonito isn’t even my favourite song on it. This one is.

It’s Gonna Be a Long Summer

And…the off-season begins now.

Chances are if you’re at this site, it’s because you are a Habs fan. Or you like me, you really like me. OK, so you’re a Habs fan.

You know my misery. The season’s over, officially yesterday. Time to enjoy a few days of denial before those around you get excited for their team in the playoffs.

But for now, let’s enjoy yesterday. The Habs beat the Leafs in the season-ender, in an exciting, emotional game.

The Habs actually played really well. Very well, even. And this with Budaj in nets, because Price sat out the last 3 games due to a mild concussion suffered during a collision during practice with the wee Desharnais.

Can we talk about Cowboy Carey for just a second? Or at least, look at him.

It’s not the sharpest image because it’s a still captured on my iPhone from a TV screen. Still, hubba hubba. Sigh.

OK so it was a great game, we saw Cole with his 35th goal (I still want him to be captain), Pacioretty with his 33rd, I got to tweet “Pleks with a shorty on the breakaway!” for the final time in the season, and of all the guys, Staubitz scored a beauty into the empty net for his first goal in the dying seconds of the season.

It was during those last minutes that I got a serious knot in my throat knowing this was the last I’d see of them until October, and it was after the game was over that I cried real tears. It was really touching to see the players, including those who hadn’t skated, take to the ice in a final salute to the fans who’ve stuck by them through one of the worst seasons in memory. The team had gone through a lot of changes and rough times and the fans (the real ones, I mean) have stuck by them through the whole thing. The guys even took their jerseys right off to give them to a few lucky fans, and Subban triple-low-fived one of them. It was awesome! I’d had to switch to RDS to watch any of this, because CBC had immediately cut off any of the post game celebration and indeed all of the following proceedings at the Bell Centre.

Geoff Molson was there, looking on proudly, and I choose to interpret the look on his face as that of someone who knows big, exciting things are in the future for the team, and for us. I was really, really happy for the feeling.

Then I saw Coach Cunneyworth being interviewed on RDS and I wanted to shoot my TV. For the first time since he’s become coach, the interviewer decided to cut Cunneyworth off to “simultaneously” translate into French everything the coach said. He used up more airtime than the coach did. He acted like he didn’t care that Randy was even standing there; more so like it was deliberate that he was pointing out Randy’s lack of French skills. I’m no body-language expert but it was a passive-aggressive interview; the interviewer didn’t even crack a smile at him, was rude to him if you ask me, then at the end stepped in front of Randy to sign off and Randy tried to thank him and the guy looked contemptuous as if to say “we’re done now”. I’m really touchy when it comes to Cunneyworth’s mistreatment so I may be reading more into it, but I just don’t think so. Did you see it? I just tried to upload it to Youtube but it’s not taking. Better you don’t see it.

To contrast this, I then went to listen to the interviews in the locker room and heard Max Pacioretty say the exact following about Cunneyworth:

“He overcame a lot of adversity; he brought us together as a team, and he did a great job this year, so hopefully he’s here next year. Obviously that’s not up to any of us, but I know that in the room, he’s well-liked, everyone likes him a lot, and he did a great job this year.”

Then, to the question, “what did Randy have to say at the end of the game?” Pacioretty responded:

You know what, he was proud of us and we’re proud of him. He was put in a very tough situation this year, and he rose to the occasion. He brought us together as a team, and you know, you guys don’t see what happens behind closed doors, but I can tell you, Randy did a great job this year. Like I said, not many people get put in that situation, so it’s tough. But I know the guys in the room wanted to get that win for him tonight, and throughout this stretch we’ve been wanting to get him some wins just to prove that he belongs here.”

Anybody who expected Cunneyworth to spin gold out of the tattered remains of a team that he was given is just as dumb as anyone who expected Barack Obama to undo 8 years of his predecessor’s disasters in one year. Geoff Molson made clear that he’s listening to the fans last week during his statement for Gauthier’s dismissal. I hope he’s listening to the players, too.

And to Cunneyworth, who expressed his desire to stay with the organization during the post-game conference.

Until then, his vacation will be to “head to the cottage for a couple of days and that’s about it. And then, it’s all yard work”.

The Generational Gap

I just played a word in Hanging with Friends. It’s basically Hangman for the iPhone and I LOVE IT. Words and technology together? My favourite.

Anyway, the word I played was “faxed”. (I hope my cyber-opponent doesn’t read my blog, or at least, that he doesn’t read this before his turn. I’ll bet he won’t guess it.)

It got me to thinking: faxed. To fax. Fax is a verb. Fax. Say it enough, and look at it enough, and it becomes a weird word. When did fax become a verb? Fax wasn’t even a word when I was a kid. Facsimile was. Like in all those commercials, where they told you to send in a proof of purchase or reasonable facsimile. From a tender young age, I knew a “reasonable facsimile” meant “close enough”.

A fax, however, is now known as that piece of paper you stick in a machine and send to another machine to avoid having to put it in an envelope and mailing it to someone. Who the hell ever would have believed you could do that?

I see it with my kids most of all. These kids, who have shelves full of DVDs, now obsolete thanks to Blu-Ray, and now stocking up on Blu-Rays. Pretty soon even these will be obsolete since you don’t have to get DVDs or Blu-Rays anymore thanks to Netflix and On Demand. I am a technophile and keep up with everything new so I don’t often stop to consider how everything has advanced in my short (not short) life. When I tell my kids about how when I was a kid you had to wait until your favourite movie came on the TV schedule to watch it, you couldn’t fast forward through commercials, or you were limited to watching movies during their tenure at the theatre, they look at me like I’m a sad creature making up stories. They can’t conceive it.

Take the other day. My 11-year old son was hanging out chatting with me in my bedroom while I made my bed. I have this phone in my room which is totally modern, but not cordless. It’s just plugged into the phone line, no power line. I have it so that on those occasions where the power goes out and cell lines go down, we’re able to make phone calls if we have to. You know, the handset is connected to the base by one of those curly cords. When I was little eight million years ago, it was cool to have a 30-foot long curly cord in case you wanted to speak in privacy in the hall closet.

Anyway, my kid never hangs out in my room so I don’t think he’d ever even noticed the phone in there. I was busy fluffing pillows and tucking in sheets, and the phone rang. I asked him to answer it. He looked in the general direction of where the ringing was coming from, saw the phone, looked back at me, panicked, and said, “what do I do????”

YOU KIDDING ME? That says it all.

On the other side of the whacked-out generational equation is my mother, who was practically brought up with horse and buggies. This woman, tough broad that she is, easily the most intelligent, sharp person I know, has the serious downfall of not comprehending anything post-1960. It’s a wonder she knows how to operate a microwave. How many times have I packed up the kids and driven to her house because her DVD player doesn’t work? “Hmph! This stupid thing I spent a fortune on last week isn’t working! It’s broken. No, no, no, it’s broken. Ha! What’s the use of all of these disposable expensive machines? I just want to watch On Golden Pond! I finally found the DVD and all this old woman wants to do is WATCH HER MOVIE!”

So while trying to explain to her what button to look for on her remote, she just says “no, no, no, no, no”. She’s from the generation that’s afraid to push any buttons. When I leave my place and she’s going to be the next one to be there, after picking up my kids from school, I can’t leave the burglar alarm on. I say, “Mom, you just have to punch in these 4 little numbers” ” nononononono”, or, when I tell her, “Mom, you have like 8 voicemails on your cell phone, here’s how you retrieve them” “nonononono” – I give up. So I pack up the kids, drive 10 minutes to her house, grab her remote and push “input” and the piece of crap disposable DVD player suddenly starts playing Katherine Hepburn going, “Noooorman! The loons!” and my mom goes, “Huh! Well.” Then I pack the kids back up again and come back home. I solve her problem in like 20 seconds but she still doesn’t want to learn how to do it herself.

I love gadgets and all the latest things but I’m still old, too. Like, I find myself thinking that music nowadays is crap. That kind of thing. With the exception of The Black Keys and stuff like that. I never listen to pop radio because it drives me crazy. I find out about new groups if they’re on SNL. And, I’ve got an iPad (sort of dying inside because I can’t get the latest one) and am addicted to everything Apple – but I won’t read a book on my iPad. Real books are still better. But at least I’d know how to read one on the iPad if I wanted to. And I shudder at anyone who still has, like, a flip phone. One of my coworkers has a phone that doesn’t even text, and it makes me a little sick. She takes great pleasure at using it around me just to drive me crazy.

OK, so if I post this now, Greg (if that’s his name – that’s another thing – he could be anybody) will have taken his turn already. If he’s like, 18 or something, maybe he won’t have guessed faxed. On account of faxes are already old fashioned.

Bad Carma, Catching up with the PVR & General Stuff

I seldom title a post until after I’ve started at least, but this one will truly be about nothing much and so far I’ve only got those 2 ideas up there, which will inevitably be followed by general stuff I think of as I write.

  • As soon as I wrote “general stuff” I thought of “General Stuff!” the way Robin and Ted on How I Met Your Mother always salute whenever anyone says General, Major, or Corporal anything. You know what I’m talking about?
  • I hope that show’s not cancelled before we ever meet the mother.
  • That also reminds me, I was translating something from Spanish yesterday for a coworker, and the word was “corporal” which means “bodily”. He said “really?” And I said, “Yeah. Bodily. Of the body.” He wasn’t getting it. It comes from the Latin. You know, where all the words come from. Also, don’t be second-guessing my translations, sonny.
  • I’m cranky.
  • My streak is over, folks. After coming on two years of good luck when getting pulled over by our boys in blue, receiving kind and gentle warnings instead of cold, hard traffic tickets, the streak is over. I’ve now had 3 tickets, the actual kind I have to pay for, in about 5 months. Blah.
  • I also had that one car accident last year. Bad car-ma. See. I was being cute. I did a play on the word. I can spell.
  • On account of adding teaching Spanish to my stuff-I-do-in-my-nonexistent-free-time list, I seriously have no time to watch TV. There are 111 recordings waiting to be watched on my PVR. I never watch anything live. Except hockey, if I’m home.
  • Which means I never see commercials. Unless they’re on during a Habs game that I’m watching live. As a result, I go around singing the Subway jingle in French a lot. “Douze pouces, cinq dollars, douze pouces, cinq dollars”. It’s catchy, and annoying.
  • We’ve got 3 American Idols to watch from last week. It’s fun watching Idol on PVR, because when you forward through all the stupid filler, you can watch 2 hours in like 20 minutes.
  • Yeah, I’ve said it before, but we watch Idol, okay. There’s precious little that I can watch around the kids. All we watch together is Idol and Modern Family. We vowed after last year, when that one ridiculously inversatile kid with the red hair who somehow turned every song into the exact same song and we thought at the beginning of the competition was an absolute joke, WON, that we’d never watch again. Stupid show. We were that wildly offended.
  • My daughter said shortly before the new season, “Look, Mom. We should give the show another chance. It wasn’t the show’s fault he won, it was the voters’. Don’t blame the show – blame America.” So, we’re watching.
  • I never say “America” when referring to the U.S. I say the U.S., our neighbours south of the border, etc. Anything to avoid saying America, or Americans. You know why? Because when I went to do my last year of school in Chile after doing all the others in Canada, it took me a couple of History classes to realize that when the teacher said “America” he wasn’t talking about the States. He meant the western world, and of course, America is everything from Nunavut to Punta Arenas. And I thought, huh. Makes sense. The U.S.A. is not “America” all by itself. So other than about 9 times in this point, I never, ever refer to the U.S. as “America”.
  • Just picked this back up during first intermission of Hockey Night in Canada. Don Cherry just said “Americans” about 90 zillion times.
  • I finally bought an oven mitt. The great big long Starfrit mitt made out of some kind of rubber. Because every time I cook something in the oven, I hurt myself. Either when I’m reaching in there or when I forget to use a glove to grab the lid off the Corningware, etc. Last year, I was pulling the Corningware out of the oven, on a bit of a tilt obviously, because the lid slid right off and and onto my arm, and burned my wrist. It was a nasty, nasty burn. I didn’t freak out too much because I didn’t want to scare the kids but I did let out my torrent of particularly satisfying Spanish expletives. The kids always ask what it means. I say, “flowers in the springtime!” The blister left was formidable, and when it burst a few days later, it pretty much soaked my sleeve. I know, so gross.
  • Anyway, the scar from that burn is finally fading and one day I actually wrote “oven mitt” in my shopping list and made sure I picked one up. So last week I was cooking a chicken, put my great big long safety glove on my right hand and used a wee pot holder in my left. Burned my left wrist on the broiler. I’d show it to you, but it’s bandaged. It’s really gross. I’ll buy another mitt.
  • Or quit cooking. Too hazardous.
  • Just watched the Habs lose to the Leafs. The Habs’ season is for sure over, but I watched because now I’m mainly interested in watching the Leafs lose – if we’re not going to the playoffs, I don’t want the Leafs to, either. It’s lame watching games now, because I know the point is moot. I will, however, be going to watch the Habs play the Canucks here next Saturday. I’ll be wearing my Pacioretty jersey. We might lose, but nothing could be worse than the 7-1 loss I saw here a couple of years ago, I mean, I hope. Jesus.
  • The B.C. Teachers are at it again, job actions and such. They’re walking off the job for 3 days next week. Not much of a job they’ve been doing all year though. So yesterday there was a student walkout planned, and I told my son that he had my permission to do it if he wanted. The teachers asked why he was participating in the walkout, assuming that it would be because he was protesting in favour of their position. He said, “I’m protesting against the job action, because it’s having a negative effect on my education.” And they didn’t let him. But I’m so proud of him.
  • The relationship my son and I have has been compared to Gloria and Manny’s. A flat chested Gloria and a lean Manny.
  • I hate this stupid hockey season, and the fact that it fell on Leap Year just to give us one more agonizing day. Hate. It.

And with that, I’ve got to get a hopefully injury-free supper on the table and watch Puss N Boots with the kids. Buenas noches!

La la la la la la

I’ve been doing some reading lately on various different mental illnesses. It’s mind-boggling and scary.

I think we’re all this close to crazy, if we’re not already crazy. Short of the most irrationally delusional, it’s like I do a lot of the stuff that I’ve been reading about.

Like, I’m not a hoarder, but you should have seen the um…crazy amount of crap I both threw away and took off to storage just to get our condo ready for selling and looking all nice like we really live like this. (P.S.!!! THE CONDO SOLD! We move October 1st! Weeeeehoooo!) Or, yeah, I have my quirks like throwing salt over my shoulder if something unusual happens like opening a fridge door only to find the lightbulb inside is burnt out. Be serious, how many times has this happened to you in your life? It has to be a bad sign. I take no chances. I almost had a coronary when my daughter opened her new umbrella indoors. Sometimes my heathen self even crosses myself when creepy sh*t happens. Stuff like that.

Or, I worry all day I’ve left my hair straightener on, or the water running, or haven’t locked my front door even though I’ve gone back to check 2 or 3 times just to make sure. Just last week I had to stop to think – wait – did I take the kids to daycare this morning or are they still at home and fending for themselves? That one was due to exhaustion. But I had to stop to think. (P.S. I HAVE left my straightener on all day before. No burnt down condo, and may I mention that my pristine bathroom counter is 100% melt-proof. Just FYI, new buyer.)

One guy I broached this with recently reassured me, “Relax. If you think you’re crazy, you’re not. Only crazy people think they’re not crazy.” Considering I regularly think I am, this was the best thing I could possibly hear.

Still, it’s also good to know about myself that the brink is right there. Since this roller coaster summer, nay, year, nay, few years began, there have easily been say, 19 times I could gladly have gone and done something freaking insane, and chalked it up to stress-relief. The difference is, I haven’t. Like I saw once on some ancient Jim Carrey standup (dude was weird even back then – always something a little off about him for my tastes) how he said, “you turn on the fan and stare at it, and go into a trance, and think what would happen if you just stuck your fingertip in it, and even contemplate it.” But you don’t. Score one for good decision-making. And score another for remaining just this side of sane.

There but for the grace of you-know-who go I.

Just My Opinion

….it is MY blog, after all.

Kind of a post mortem on the Stanley Cup Finals and the Vancouver riot.

After watching this back, I know I could never, ever be an unbiased journalist. Wow, that must be hard.

It doesn’t matter. No one’s gonna watch this. Everyone’s watching Oprah get her umpty-ump bazillion awards on the Daytime Emmys.

Happy Father’s Day!

Not Really an Update

Point form again, let’s dive right in.
  • Max Pacioretty is not only out of the hospital, he went to the Bell Centre to meet teammates and doctors before Tuesday’s game against the Capitals. We got the news on Thursday that he could be back on skates as early as next week, and ready to play in the playoffs. Dude just got his neck broken. He is Wolverine! We love you, Max.
  • My letter to Max last week got a ton of response. I got this e-mail one day notifying me of a new comment. I went to look, and it started with “This is the biggest piece of crap I have ever read!” It was surprising, but I had to laugh.
  • Forgot to tell you last time that I recently attended a banquet where fellow colleagues were being rewarded for milestones with the company. The emcee was speaking about one recipient, talking about how talented she was, what a terrific job she does for us, how she knows her way around a spreadsheet like no one else, etc. but also her many other talents outside of work, adding, “She’s also a Master Baker!” I immediately looked at my neighbour. We could barely suppress our giggles. We are 12.
  • This week, I learned how to pronounce Palushaj.
  • We’re going to Costco today. I wish we had more cupboards and a bigger freezer.
  • You know what’s weird? I’m always afraid of forgetting really key items at the store, but I will not make a list. But if I forget the toilet paper, that will suck. FYI, Costco toilet paper pretty much takes up the whole hatchback.
  • My ten-year-old uses terms like “for instance” and “in particular.” I never noticed, I’m so used to him. A friend pointed it out.
  • Daylight Saving Time always knocks me out of whack. I’m now feeling on-schedule, but I still hate having that hour taken away from us. But it’s nice driving home from work when it’s still light out.
  • The Habs don’t play today. I hate when there’s no game on Saturday. But we get to watch the Leafs and Bruins! Oh joy.
  • I don’t know how to right-click on the Macbook Pro. Can anybody tell me? I mean, I could probably look it up or read it in my little manual, in fact in the time it took to type this, I could probably have found out for myself. But what’s the point of a public platform if not for asking people to figure things out for you? And other stuff. Thanks in advance.
  • Also, how do I increase the spacing between these bullet points? This post looks too squishy.
  • The Oscar movies are finally coming out on DVD. Now I can finally see what all the hubbub was about.
  • Following last Saturday’s Coach’s Corner, the kids’ disgust of Don Cherry is such that they refuse to watch him anymore. The way he talked about Subban earlier in the season was the start, the way he didn’t even wish Pacioretty well was the last straw. Their Habs’ fan indoctrination is complete. *Bows*
  • Am I the only female in the world who doesn’t like chocolate? I’d rather pop a bowl of olives like grapes. Oooh, I also like grapes.
  • And who else sneezes when they tweeze their eyebrows? *Raises hand*
  • And who else hates holding cotton balls with their bare hands?
  • There’s a fresh dusting of snow on the mountain tops outside our window, and buds on the bare tree branches on our street. I love where we live. Spring is nigh, and we cannot wait!

Okay, time to get cracking. Don’t tell anyone, but I want to be back home in time to watch HNIC.

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