Happy Valentimes!

  • I don’t read what I write here. But I went back and read the past couple of posts and holy crap, I use “I” a lot. It seems obnoxious. But it is my online diary/opinion-fest so I’m not really talking about anyone else’s point of view. It makes me want to watch out and not do that but then, forget it. That sounds exhausting. And probably not even possible.
  • Just coming off an extra-long long-weekend and it has been marvelous. Didn’t do too many things out of the ordinary, but getting accomplished in 4 days what I barely can squeezed into 2 is a single mom’s dream.
  • In Chile, taking the Friday off when you get a Monday off too is called a making a “sandwich” out of a long weekend. We seriously have the best way of saying things.
  • So we were back to work on Tuesday. Which always reminds me of that one Sex and the City episode where they all referred to this nasty person politely as a “C.U.Next Tuesday.” Which was hilarious. My brother and I took our Mom out for her birthday a couple of years ago, and I cannot remember why, but this topic came up. And my mom was sitting there listening to us go on, and said, “See you next Tuesday? What’s all this ‘see you next Tuesday?’ What – do we have a long weekend?”
  • I had this dream where I auditioned for a part in a stage adaptation of the Wizard of Oz. And GOT IT. I was going to be Dorothy. The whole dream, all I could think was, “Who the hell is the casting director, and is he on crack? I don’t know any of these songs off by heart! And I can’t sing! This is going to be a disaster. I’m no Liza Minnelli!”
  • I woke up in a sweat before opening night, thank god. Also, a couple of days later, I was like, “It’s Judy Garland, not Liza Minnelli. You’re an idiot.” Even in my dreams.
  • Two of my friends and I went to see a Kathy Griffin standup act a few years ago. We had primo seats, something like 3rd or 4th row (hi, Lisa!!), on account of we have connections. But there were two empty seats directly in front us, and we were wondering who would buy such great seats and not show up? Then the lights went down and Kathy took the stage, and very shortly after, two people sat down in the empty seats. IT WAS LIZA FREAKING MINNELLI, and some dude. She’s tiny. And laughs really loudly. And eats lots of candy. She’d just played the same venue the night before, so seeing Kathy was how she enjoyed her night off. Had she sat behind us, we could have tried to surreptitiously snap her picture. Just trust me. It happened.
  • I’ve been counselling my 10-year-old daughter on the ways of catty girls. Oh, the 5th grade drama these children create. My rule of thumb is:  if she has a lot of “temporary” and disposable best friends in her wake, and generally has more ex-best friends than current “best friends” – RUN. Don’t walk away. Will never be worth your time, in fact she will definitely be a waste of your time, and either doesn’t appreciate good friends or doesn’t know how to be a friend, or both. I know a lot of little girls don’t yet have the maturity to develop these qualities, but you can’t start too soon. I know some adult women who have this problem, too. It’s easy dispensing this advice, but 10-year-old girls need to experience things themselves…I just hope  she’s learning from experience, and maybe remembering what her old mom had to say.
  • It’s Valentine’s Day! I couldn’t care less about Valentine’s Day, as it turns out. My “valentine” makes me feel special every day, so that, for me, is all I need. I’m not anti-Valentine’s Day, mind you – particularly for the kids. Valentine’s Day is always fun at school, with all the sweetheart candy and such. The rule at my kids’ schools is if you’re giving one person a Valentine in your class, everyone gets one. So that’s good.
  • On my desk is a six year old card, written in pencil and on red construction paper. The cover says, “We love you,” and inside there’s a heart and message: “from: secrt admier.” I found it deep inside my handbag on Valentine’s Day in 2007. I don’t think that one can ever be topped. And it does make my heart squish a little bit for those years the kids would wish me a “Happy Valentimes, Mommy.”
  • I can’t talk about my various loves without also mentioning the furry four-legged one. She’s mostly a very well-composed puppy, and obedient (as long as she’s not alone in the room). She’s doing well. She does however, speaking of the bf, have a huge weakness when he comes around. It’s fun time, all the time, when he’s here. So she loses her mind. We’re having to come up with new ideas to keep her contained so we can have a moment’s peace when he’s here. It’s his own fault, really, as he plays with her like crazy all the time. So she goads him, and he always complies, playing, rough-housing and getting her worked up. Here’s the thing about this crazy, wonderful dog. You can play with her, and drive her crazy, and she growls, jumps, barks, the works. One thing she never, ever does, is bite. You can stick your hands right in her mouth, and she’ll never, ever even slightly clamp down. Gentlest thing in the world.
  • She has super strong jaws. She’s a chewer. And I have all the implements to satisfy this predilection – the floor in my living room is an actual boneyard. Cow femurs and deer antlers. It’s appropriately animalistic when she gets down to chewing. One time a couple of weeks ago, the bf came over with the solution for the evening, another “eternal” chew that presumably would keep her busy for hours. He gave it to her, and a few minutes later I asked how it was going, and he said, “She ate it like a damned cracker!” Which led us to conclude that if this animal ever decided to actually bite anyone, she could snap a wrist in half in no time. She does. She chews this stuff like bubble gum, and you can see the bubble coming out of her mouth, and it says, “Ain’t no thang.”
  • Which leads me to Leafs fans, defending a grown man biting down on the arm of another during a frenzied scrum in a hockey game. Max Pacioretty, in a game that the Leafs were crushing us, in a melee tried to grab Grabovski off a teammate, and from behind, clamped his forearm on Grabovski’s face for about 1.3 seconds. Grabovski BIT DOWN. This guy is a grown-up. The bite has been dissected and defended ad nauseam since Saturday so I won’t go down that road right now, but the biggest scream from Leafs fans was, “I would bite him too!” “He couldn’t breathe!” “What was he supposed to do?” OK, here’s what he was supposed to do, coming from a 1.5 year old puppy: turn your head, and turn your chin down. Get out of it. This from a dog for whom it definitely goes wildly against instinct to NOT bite. She is such a lady.
  • So I heard my kid calling someone else a “pissant” recently. I was suitably impressed, since pissant is such an old-timey word. Turns out he had read it in a book, and was particularly pleased to know it because he thought it was a dirty word. I burst that bubble, and taught him another one: miscreant. He’s a sucker for vocabulary.
  • My retired boss, with whom I worked for 7 years, retired last year. We still do lunch. He took me out just before Christmas to Hawksworth, which has been deemed “the best restaurant in Canada.” I’d never been there, and was looking at the dishes go by, and told him I thought I would order the burger. He told me I could NOT order a HAMBURGER at the best restaurant in Canada. And I said, “Yeah, but, can you imagine the burger at the best restaurant in Canada???” Whatever, I ordered the ribs. And they were DELICIOUS.
  • So speaking of food, I’ve had the hardest time finding my dog’s food in the past few months. Her food costs more than what I spend on MY HUMANS, specifically, the Okanagan Apple and Lamb flavour made by Acana. She loves it, it’s ridiculously expensive, and now, ridiculously hard to find. I finally bitched to my poor Bosley’s sales representative last week, and he said the food’s been hard to come by on account of the factory having had a horrible fire. Why does everything happen to me.
  • The kids were watching When Harry Met Sally with me on the weekend. In one scene, she’s making out with her vanilla, blond boyfriend in a jacket and tie in the airport. Max took one look and said, “God. I bet that guy’s name is, like, Winston.” Sofia replied, “Or Walter.” I can’t explain why, but I’m surrounded by the most hilarious people.
  • One thing that made me laugh uncontrollably was when Martin Short hosted SNL. Did you see it? He was playing the gynecologist to the Royals, tutoring the new guy who is going to deliver Kate Middleton’s baby. First, he would only refer to ‘it’ as “The Royal ‘Ahem'”, then went on to tell the other guy he was lucky he didn’t have to see Camilla’s, which can only be reached by a drawbridge, that’s guarded by a troll who asks you a riddle! I can barely type that sentence. The mirth. It’s too much.

It’s a school night, so I have to go to bed. The Habs won tonight. 4 points in Florida. And the Leafs are lower in the standings. Life is perfect.

Happy Valentimes!

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Comments

  1. Ohai i thought i typed a reply but last night, but maybe i was dreaming. Mabbe wordpress is too hard. I’m having a sammich this weekend! Monday is President’s Day in US, and I’m taking Friday off just because. You’re lucky to haz secrt admier. Haffy Valitibes!

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