Sitting at the Dealers

Just pounding this out on my iPhone as I wait for the Porsche to be ready.

Not MY Porsche of course, it’s the boss’s. He asked me to take it in for him while he’s away because some lights are going off on the dash so it needed checking out.

Sure, my pleasure.

Well. It’s this big SUV so the first thing I did when I got in was adjust the seat. This fancy car is no dummy, it realized immediately that I was not the regular driver so it kept on beeping at me: “Driver 2, make your selection! Make your selection! MAKE YOUR SELECTION.” What selection?! I just wanted to adjust the seat.

So it kept on beeping at me and beeping at me so when I came to my first stop light, I saw that one of the things lit up on the dash was a BIG EXCLAMATION POINT. Of course, I say to myself, the parking brake must be on! It wouldn’t like that. So I proceed to look for the parking brake, because of course it isn’t where you’d expect, like in my Mazda, it’s right beside the gear shift, looking all like a parking brake. My eyes start scanning the dash, which has more buttons and knobs than an AIRPLANE then remembered that in one of my old cars, the parking brake was a pedal on the far left. There it was! OK, so I also remembered that to disengage it, you have to sort of quickly step down on it. Which I did. Not so quickly, because it was actually a long slow way down. OK, so now the exclamation point is RED which means that NOW that sucker’s engaged. And just FYI, you know how some cars will still let you drive when the parking brake’s on? Well, PORSCHES DON’T.

I sat through 3 green lights trying to figure out how to DISengage it, because the quick foot-tap thing wasn’t working. IT WASN’T WORKING. As I contemplated my predicament, and what an ass I looked like, I pictured my poor friend who’d offered to go with me and give me a lift back, sitting at the dealership wondering where the hell I was, and before deciding to make myself look like even further of an ass by taking out the manual to see how to DISENGAGE A PARKING BRAKE, I finally opened the door to squat down and have a look at the stupid brake, I saw a little release lever and pulled it, hoping I wasn’t opening the hood. Thank Jehosephat, it was the damned brake. I could finally leave the intersection. Also, thank you, Vancouver drivers, for not honking at me while sitting through all the green lights. They obviously took one look at me and saw that I was not qualified to be in such a complicated vehicle.

So I was on my way, the car screaming at me, Driver 2, Driver 2! You are not my usual driver, and I’m not falling for it! Make your selection, make your selection! I DON’T WANT TO SELECT ANYTHING, EXCEPT MAYBE SHUT YOUR TRAP, OR EJECT!!

The whole way to the dealership. Thank god it’s only like a 10 minute drive. I get there, my friend’s there, and I pull into the service garage, and can’t get out fast enough, and there are 3 Porsche guys waiting to take the car, and I jump out and say, “This is NOT my car, and it hates me! It’s been beeping at me the whole way here, MAKE A SELECTION! and I don’t know what it wants me to decide, and I sat through 3 green lights trying to figure out the parking brake! Aargh!” They all just looked at me and laughed, which is the effect I expected to have on total strangers by leaping out of the SUV and shouting at them like a crazy woman.

I went in to the office and told them I was leaving it and would be back on Friday. I also explained why it was there and the guy said, “It might be simple, let’s have a look, we might be able to give it back to you right away.” So I go back out to my friend’s car to tell her about my trip to the dealers and that I might not need a ride back to the office, with my hair whipping around all over the place because Vancouver chose those 2 minutes to have a tornado.

I go back in, and the guy says its just a tire pressure thing and I can take the car in 30 minutes. OMG, I don’t have the boss’s credit card on me and there’s no way I can afford a Porsche service fee! The guy’s all, “Ummm I wasn’t even going to charge you because it’s too easy.” SWEET. So I go back into the tornado to tell Lisa she made the trip for nothing, then go into the waiting room to stare at this space age coffee maker (can Porsche EVER DO SOMETHING SIMPLY I JUST WANT COFFEE) and this nice fellow came over and made my coffee for me because I can’t fool Porsche, they know I’m not qualified to even be there, and then the car was ready and it didn’t beep at me the whole drive back and everything was once again right with the world.

Anyhoo, that was my morning, just in case you were wondering.

Blogging from the iPhone. Crazy. Twenty years ago, when I was eight (I wasn’t eight) I could never have imagined such a concept.

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Comments

  1. Dave (SkyKing) says:

    As always… Thank you for sharing….

    Your thoughts/insights/meanderings always make me smile

  2. danny6114 says:

    You are just so damned adorable!

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