La la la la la la

I’ve been doing some reading lately on various different mental illnesses. It’s mind-boggling and scary.

I think we’re all this close to crazy, if we’re not already crazy. Short of the most irrationally delusional, it’s like I do a lot of the stuff that I’ve been reading about.

Like, I’m not a hoarder, but you should have seen the um…crazy amount of crap I both threw away and took off to storage just to get our condo ready for selling and looking all nice like we really live like this. (P.S.!!! THE CONDO SOLD! We move October 1st! Weeeeehoooo!) Or, yeah, I have my quirks like throwing salt over my shoulder if something unusual happens like opening a fridge door only to find the lightbulb inside is burnt out. Be serious, how many times has this happened to you in your life? It has to be a bad sign. I take no chances. I almost had a coronary when my daughter opened her new umbrella indoors. Sometimes my heathen self even crosses myself when creepy sh*t happens. Stuff like that.

Or, I worry all day I’ve left my hair straightener on, or the water running, or haven’t locked my front door even though I’ve gone back to check 2 or 3 times just to make sure. Just last week I had to stop to think – wait – did I take the kids to daycare this morning or are they still at home and fending for themselves? That one was due to exhaustion. But I had to stop to think. (P.S. I HAVE left my straightener on all day before. No burnt down condo, and may I mention that my pristine bathroom counter is 100% melt-proof. Just FYI, new buyer.)

One guy I broached this with recently reassured me, “Relax. If you think you’re crazy, you’re not. Only crazy people think they’re not crazy.” Considering I regularly think I am, this was the best thing I could possibly hear.

Still, it’s also good to know about myself that the brink is right there. Since this roller coaster summer, nay, year, nay, few years began, there have easily been say, 19 times I could gladly have gone and done something freaking insane, and chalked it up to stress-relief. The difference is, I haven’t. Like I saw once on some ancient Jim Carrey standup (dude was weird even back then – always something a little off about him for my tastes) how he said, “you turn on the fan and stare at it, and go into a trance, and think what would happen if you just stuck your fingertip in it, and even contemplate it.” But you don’t. Score one for good decision-making. And score another for remaining just this side of sane.

There but for the grace of you-know-who go I.

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Comments

  1. Ohai Veronica. this answers the big question “what’s up?” Thanks for the update and congrats on selling the condo. And yes, fate just waits around for people to do something they’re not supposed to like walk under a ladder or break a mirror so they can dole out the standard punishment. It’s in the fine print of the iTunes Store usage agreement, check it out sometime. Although you can get away with it if fate is not paying attention when you commit the transgression. Just whistle innocently and say, “I didn’t do it.” Okee-dokee? (It usually works for me). Also, if you *think* you’re crazy, then you aren’t because crazy people don’t think they are crazy (just like that astronaut who drove from Texas to Florida in a diaper because she thought another astronaut was gonna steal with her man–she thought she was sane).

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