Out With The Old…Eventually

First long and lonesome Saturday with the kids being away on their trip with their dad. I’ve decided to go through the condo and tidy it up, like, really organize it, put stuff where it belongs, and throwing out instead of storing things I absolutely never use. I cannot accomplish this kind of thing when they’re home…I need to get in elbows-deep and go go go.

My bedroom closet is the biggest part of the job. There are so many clothes crowded in there that I can’t even see what I have. I know that this is partly my fault, not so much because I own so many clothes, but because when I bought this place, I did away with the whole lower hanging rack to put in SHOE SHELVES. Girlie closet FTW.

Here’s the thing. Do you know what’s still hanging in there? My wedding dress. Worn once, 10 years ago, still in the bag I put it in the day after the wedding, and if memory serves there’s a massive red wine stain on it. I know, I’m so classy. It wasn’t my wine, btw.

I have no sentimental attachment to it, but for many reasons, I can’t get rid of it. It’s horrible to say, but on my own wedding day, when I said, “I do”, in my head I was saying, “I mean, I guess so.” I know, it’s disrespectful to the father of my children to verbalize this, and I did make a promise to myself that I would not use this blog to slag him – it’s counterproductive, and I don’t ever want my children to read something mean about the man they love the most in the world.

It’s a pickle, because when I left my marriage, it was stay, or leave, and preserve my sanity. But I can’t ever and will never regret being married to him, because all paths led to mothering these kids of mine, who wouldn’t be who they are were it not for him.

Which leads me to why I keep the dress. And my rings. They’re in a ziplock bag somewhere. Because although my children don’t even remember what it was like to have 2 parents under the same roof, it’s important to them in kind of a historical way to see the wedding pictures, the wedding video, etc. They don’t understand yet that they’re just things, and I actually think it’s not great to be attached to symbols of a marriage that didn’t work – but I’ll let it be up to them when to get rid of them.

And free up space in my closet. Holy moly do I have work to do.

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Comments

  1. goaliemom98 says:

    Hey, Your sentiments are mine exactly….I got married in a beautiful 2 piece outfit – still hanging in my closet. My rings are in my safe deposit box. My pictures are safely in the basement. I love my children with my whole being and they are part of their father. If I’d never met him, they wouldn’t exist and my life would not be complete. Keep blogging chile_pepper…..

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